Statement to public regarding sexual harrassment charges.

I just want to address the different allegations that have been made recently in regards to several acts of sexual harr-ass-ment. 

But first, I want each one of us to look at ourselves.

Have you done it?  Looked in the mirror?  If you haven't, do so.  I am waiting.

I am being serious. Look at yourself.  Do you see a perfect person?  If you answered yes, well, congratulations.  You are truly rare indeed.  Because I am not perfect.  And most people I know are not perfect.

Maybe perfect imbeciles.

But not perfect.

Have you never told a woman she looks attractive?  Women, haven't you ever eye undressed an attractive co-worker or your significant others best friend?  Have you not pleasured yourself secretly in the bathroom while your coworker of the opposite sex is using the stall next to you?

Of course you have.  We all have.

So I want you to look at yourself when I tell you that perhaps I have sexually harassed some "honeydips."  Perhaps I have told a couple yellow tail grouper she would look better underneath me.  Inappropriate?  Nevermind it was at a funeral, it was what I was thinking and I pride myself on HONESTY.  Don't you value honesty?

And perhaps I did tell the Burger Barn girl at the pick up that I wanted to give her special sauce.  She asked me first would be my defense here.

Then of course there is the model broad.  I want to apologize to her.  What I did to her was perhaps the most heinous, most aggregious of offenses.

I told her I could see her in my future.

It was a lie.  I am not psychic.  I am a recovering autistic with a prediliction to telling others how they should live their lives.  I can't possibly tell whether or not I will be interested in her next week.

So now that the air is clear, we can move forward.

After I mention the middle aged lady at the dry cleaners.  And the barista.  That is all, I think.  I am sorry to those offended.