342

Well mother fuckers it has been 342 days since I last blogged so you should all be about as desperate as a baby flea once all of the cats have been taken to the animal shelter.  Parasites, each and every one of you.

Apparently I have rage issues?  Ok. So MAYBE I DO!!!!

Maybe I am fucking pissed off because the world is trying to suck all of the life blood out of me....i.e. American Dollars, the currency that I happen to be unfortunate enough to operate on.

Maybe I am pissed off because I have been lied to.. Cheated on.. spit on... used.....abused......an insect, trying to get out alive.

I only stick around, because there are no others.  (Radiohead lyrics)

I never had a choice growing up to be what I wanted to be.....I had to be a runner with good grades.  It was not my choice.  And when I gave running up, after I had squeezed every ounce of desire to compete at the stupid sport(or punishment, depending on what team you are on) to pursue what I wanted to pursue, i.e.. writing timeless fiction, I was left on the side of the road as a traitor.  He had the gift and he gave it up.  Wasted it on drugs and intellectual fancy.

So then I tried to do the right thing, stop doing drugs, marry a person because that is what you are supposed to do....and the most correct thing to atone for your sins would be to pick a girl who could use a decent guy to pour every ounce of his soul into, regardless of beauty or social standing....I was left with a cheating, abusive, emotionally and physically and spiritually and financially draining suction cup of a schizophrenic and compulsive lying bride. 

I had made my bed, and I slept in it for as long as I could....until I had to kill myself or pretend I was gay to get away from this nightmare of napalm marriage.

So if I seem a little angry it is because I am angry.  FUCK YOU AND FUCK EVERY MOTHER FUCKER who has ever placed judgement on me.

I am who I am....deal with it.

I am happy most of the time with the shit life I have made for myself.

I won't even write another book just because I hate all of you retards so fucking much.

Beyond that, today was pretty good. I didn't work.  I got in a couple of work outs.  I cleaned up around the house a little.  And I got to eat out.  So I am feeling just dandy.  And I will wake up and go to work with a smile on my face tomorrow....because a smile on my face is the best way to get to death, which is what I am looking forward to, because I can't stand this fucking world that I live in any longer.