Fuck your couch, nigga.

So I got a call from the Holy Spirit last night.

You might not believe me, so I will get Adam to vouch for me.  He never lies.

Um, thank you Felson...but I do lie sometimes.  Not usually because I want to but because in certain situations it is better to lie and not hurt someone than be honest with them knowing it will be painful.  But this is one of my truthful times, so I will put my good name on the line for you once again, dick.

Felson was contacted by the Holy Spirit last night.  He is going to be joining the seminary in September and taking me with me.  This is a very big step for him, not just because he is so fat, he claims big boned, but because I know how much he likes cheese danishes and danish super models and he will be pledging himself to celibacy.

It isn't that he doesn't want to have kids.  I don't want him to have kids because he would make a shitty father....or dad I should say to avoid confusion....it is just that nobody listens to him..and he is a lot poorer than he would want you to believe.

If he joins the seminary, he will be paid for the rest of his life, if not laid...but lets be honest, his sex life isn't really on point anyhow....and like I said....you don't want little Felson's running around repopulating the world after the rapture.

I am good to go.  I know my soul is forever in tact and when I die I will go to heaven to be with my Daddy.  His name is I am I, and he a good parent and never misleads his children, even if it hurts them.

The holy spirit also told him that Ohio is the promised land and he will be staying here as long as he is employed by the church, and that Chillicothe, Columbus, and Cleveland will all be experiencing renaissances, making Cincinnati by far the worst C city in the state....And Greenfield will also get its pyramid, but it might not be in our lifetime.

So if you or anyone else has any qualms with me....er.....I mean Felson becoming a catholic priest, you need to speak now or forever hold your piece.  Until then, I will hold your Peace.  God bless....

Thank you douche nozzle.  So there you have it folks.  Leave a message or a post on my FB page telling me what you think.  Asa Lama Lakum.  The the Word of God, be with you all.. and also with you....