Ten Commandments of Fitness...by Felson Mitchell

I see that a lot of people are motivated to get into better shape these days.  This is good, as our Obama-care is going to make sure that nobody gets adequate health coverage.  In the spirit of the zeitgeist, I am here to give you my holy grail of staying in Frickin' Baller Shape.
1. Shock me like Electric Eel.  Baby Girl something something Electric Feel.  Feel yourself when you are working out.  And I do NOT mean touch your privates!  Feel the electricity flowing through your body.  PAY ATTENTION to your rhythym, your bio-frequencies.  When you stretch, feel your entire body stretching, muscle fiber by muscle fiber.  When you breathe, feel the oxygen running through your aveoli to your bronchii and so forth.  When you drink water, feel the cold fluid flushing toxins out of your body and stabilizing the choregraphy of the biosystems.  Get in touch with your CHI if you have any idea what that means.
2. Candy talks to strangers thinks that she's in danger, no one gives a damn about her hair.  Focus on not eating candy.  Do not drink alcohol.  Forget about smoking.  If you are serious about your health, cut out the bad habits.  Get plenty of sleep.  Mainain the pipes.  Wait for something better.  No one behind you to watch your shadows.  Eat good food, not McDonalds, and if you must eat out, eat Chipotle or Subway.
3. Balance is the key. For every hard run, do an easy run.  For every stretch, do a lift.  Confuse your muscles with variety.
4. No supplements that aren't one hundred percent natural.  Take a natural multi vitamin daily.
5.Cycles.  Upper body one day, lower body the next. Rest one day every week or every other week.
6. Have fun dummy! Play basketball.  Go golfing, and carry your clubs instead of riding around getting drunk.  Run around with some children.  They will wear you out, guaranteed.
7. Be serious.  If you aren't serious about getting in shape, then don't listen to a thing I said and discontinue reading the rest of this blog.  It is a LIFESTYLE.  Take your health SERIOUSLY.  I cannot stress this enough.  Be proactive.  If you can think of different ways to workout through the day, be creative, but be dilligent.
8. Start early in the day.  It will improve the quality of your day.  Do a hundred punches.  Knock out 20 pushups.  Yoga.  Stretch.  Jog a couple miles.  REMEMBER YOU ARE BURING ON AVERAGE MORE CALORIES A DAY rather than simply just the calories you burn doing the activity.  Your metabolism slows down when you sleep.  Make sure you jump start it in the MORNING somehow, some way.  And for Jesus TFC's Sake, eat some friggin breakfast.  It really is the most important meal of the day.
9.  Water all day, every day.  85 percent of muscle is water.  Pray for your water.  Science shows that intention on water and its effects on your body creates more coherent, more pure water in  your cup and in your cells.  Milk AFTER working out.  Not before, unless you like throwing up and effing up your workout.
10. Study.  Be a student and continue to find ways to refine your workouts.  Figure out tricks to spice up your diet to maximize health benefits.

Now, this is my boy Adam Honnold.  He is my indentured servant.  Notice the fat collecting around his mid-section.  This is one thing he can tighten up.  Also, there is too much upper body for bicycling.  That can be reduced by high intensity, high repition workouts, STRETCHING, and proper diet.  Stay away from excessive sugars, spirits, and snacks.  More crunches, and more running should eliminate a lot of the problems here.

So, I will be back from Europe in about a week.  I will give the floor back up to Adam.  Give him your undivided attention.  I am about to give Dragana a little more of MY attention.  She is an ANIMAL.

ROCA-FELSON