This is Felson. Last night I took the yacht out and now I am blogging from the High Seas. It was good, 2011, but 2012 did not start out the way my psychiatrist would have wanted it. Considering I am not supposed to be drinking and yachting anymore, and also considering I am the only male on the ship.
Yes, as I write this a bevvy of fine females are peacefully sleeping in the cabin. It turns out that ladies are very attracted to a man with wealth. So this year, in order to do better about not whoring around, I am trying to contract several embarrassing and painful STD's in hopes that it will help keep women away from me so I can do better about sticking to my New Years resolution, which starts in two weeks when I bring the ship back into dock. That resolution, stop sleeping with every woman I meet.
I am going to try to find ONE lady who fulfills all of my fantasies. She will have a mouth, but no vocal chords. She will be a master chef. She will be a swimsuit model. And she will have her tubes tied and know CPR.
So from aboard the USS Pimpafore, I wish you the happiest of new years. More blogging from Honnold, who is still at home being very well behaved, later on today.
Acclaimed self help guru Felson Mitchell dropping some knowledge... New Poll for New Year. Who should be President?
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